Why aren't you married?

Lately, I've been asked this question or a variation of it (why don't you have boyfriend, etc) with an alarming frequency. I'm assuming it's because I'm now 30 and therefore my STILL SINGLE neon sign has begun flashing. Because all women over 30 have those. Usually this question is met with an eye roll, or silence or an exasperated "because I am."

As tempting as it is to turn the tables on this question and be continually offended by it, and whine about it and give platitudes about "refusing to settle" and " I have just haven't met him yet" I decided to give the question some thought. And the answer I've come up with may be a little startling at first, but here it is.

Why aren't I married?
Because I'm looking for more than love.

Wait, what?

Yep. I am looking for more than love. To be honest, love is pretty low on the list, because love is a chemical reaction between two people. Love is wonderful. Don't get wrong, I want love. But there are things I want more out of a marriage.

Things like: Friendship. Compatibility. Trust. Great Conversation. Stability. Sexuality. Passion.

When you add all of those things together, they are the parts that make up love, right? No.
You can love people you don't even like. Oddly enough. You can love people that you have no desire to be with sexually.

And the truth is, I've been in love. I've been completely shattered by love, broken down and put in "my place" by love. Or to be more specific through people that I loved, people that claimed to love me but did not. I've experienced the highs of being in love before it all came crashing down and I get why that seems to be the motivator for most people, but when you get right down to it, falling in love is easy.

Marriage is not easy.
Friendship is not easy.
Maintaining a relationship for a long time with a person and keeping it going in a way the positively benefits your life and the life of the other person. That is work. Hard work. Grueling work (some days). Rewarding work. Worth the work.

So, since love is easy, I'm not looking for that. I'm looking for real. I'm looking for hard. I'm looking for all the things I listed above, because I deserve all of that, and so does the person I'm with.