Growing up in my house was such an amazing thing. As an adult with a daughter from a failed love, I realize how much effort my parents put into each other. How much they chose every day to love each other through everything, through the fighting and the hardships and the children and the history. My mother brought all the love in the world to our house, but this post is going to focus on my father.
My dad set the bar high for Valentines Day. Not because he always bough fancy/expensive/extravagant gifts (although he did that a couple of times) because he usually didn't. It was because he paid attention to the people he loved and made an effort to fill a need for them. Even a frivolous one, like my Junior year of high school, when I had exactly four real friends, and no guy had looked at me twice in weeks (at least not that I knew about) and I was surrounded by people who were definitely about to get stuff. My dad sent me flowers and balloons to school that year. It is the only time in my life that I have received flowers that way, and it was pretty special. I knew they were from my dad even if the card did read " Your Secret Admirer". I wasn't fooled, but I got to pretend I didn't know, I got to show them to my friends and laugh with them and let them tell me who they just knew had sent them. My dad gave me more than flowers that day, he gave me the ability to not feel left out. At a time in my life when I desperately needed it. And that is the only Valentines Day I really have fond memories of.
Since then I have either been single or alone on Valentines Day. The few years I have not been single, he was working, so we had to celebrate some other time, which shouldn't matter. But, it does. And those memories are tainted now, and the failure is too new to let them be anything but bitter. But even when they get to be something good again, they still fell short. Because no person has ever paid enough attention to me to give me the things I truly crave this time of year. And each year the things I want change, but the reason I hate this holiday, is not because it is a "fake" day for people to pretend to be in love, or some other drivel. It is because this day has always completely disappointed me ever since I left my childhood behind. I do not feel loved on this day, I do not feel wanted, no card or dinner or gift has ever filled that void in me.
It's not like I don't love myself, I do. But I am honest enough with myself and in turn you, to acknowledge that on this day, of all days, like every one else, I long to be truly loved by someone else and even when I was in love, I never really felt that completeness.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Round 17....
Oh the horrors of Post Apocalyptic Serious Breakup dating....
1. You really thought you were so grown up-
until you saw the first attractive guy you've been truly allowed to notice in years. Suddenly, you're a giddy pre-teen idiot and you have to talk yourself out of following him around the grocery store. And it only gets worse
2. You can't remember all the things you've forgotten about men-
Especially when they start smiling at you, and you realize that you don't know what that smile means. And suddenly all of your newly renewed guy friendships are super suspicious. Crap. Are you being flirted with?
3.Speaking of flirting-
You're pretty sure you have no idea to do it. That well-placed giggle, it probably looked more like a spasm. What exactly is supposed to be funny. Cat-eyes? Is that still an attractive thing? What are men looking for these days?
4. And, what are they looking at?-
As you take inventory of every pound you gained in your relationship and where it landed on your body, every article of clothing becomes your enemy. You agonize over everything and end up in sweats because you can't stand to be looked at. So why are they still looking at you?
5. Because your GORGEOUS!!!-
Damn right. You are a sexy, luscious, goddess divine and any man would be lucky to be with you! (truth) And fat be damned, they will love you as you are, or just have to wish they had been smart enough to get you now instead of waiting for you to get back into that rocking bikini body.
6. Bikini! OMG! I must diet!-
Because seriously, summer. Water. Men. Me. I MUST LOOK AS AMAZING AS I AM!!!!
7. So, off to the gym you go-
and you realize you know, jack crap of nothing about using any of these odd devices that look like ancient machines of torture. So you walk, in circles, for a month, and then never come back.
8. And the guilt shows up-
because you if you gave up on yourself, then WHY would anyone every date you again?
9. Again? Oh holy TARDIS of Galifrey-
WHY am I so concerned with men? What have they ever done for me? Broke my heart. That's what. Screw men.
10. So you drink-
and realize you still want to get laid on a pretty regular basis. So, for that you definitely need a guy.
11. Stupid men.-
12. Well, if I'm going to do it-
Then I might as well do it right and start looking for the right guy. Only how will I know when I find him. I mean, I thought I already had found him and now I can't tell if the guy giving me the eye is flirting or staring at some mysterious object that may or may not be stuck in my hair
13. MY HAIR!!!-
I must change my hair. And suddenly, there I am. All fresh and new again. New confidence, new motivation. I LOVE ME!!!
14. I LOVE ME!!!-
And if I love me, then everybody else can love me. And if everybody else can love me....
15. Then THAT GUY can too!!
so you find yourself writing this new guys name over and over and over again. AND why does it always start like that? Why do you always turn into a ridiculous high-school girl with her first crush?
16. Crushed.-
because what if he doesn't like me back?
17. Who cares?
1. You really thought you were so grown up-
until you saw the first attractive guy you've been truly allowed to notice in years. Suddenly, you're a giddy pre-teen idiot and you have to talk yourself out of following him around the grocery store. And it only gets worse
2. You can't remember all the things you've forgotten about men-
Especially when they start smiling at you, and you realize that you don't know what that smile means. And suddenly all of your newly renewed guy friendships are super suspicious. Crap. Are you being flirted with?
3.Speaking of flirting-
You're pretty sure you have no idea to do it. That well-placed giggle, it probably looked more like a spasm. What exactly is supposed to be funny. Cat-eyes? Is that still an attractive thing? What are men looking for these days?
4. And, what are they looking at?-
As you take inventory of every pound you gained in your relationship and where it landed on your body, every article of clothing becomes your enemy. You agonize over everything and end up in sweats because you can't stand to be looked at. So why are they still looking at you?
5. Because your GORGEOUS!!!-
Damn right. You are a sexy, luscious, goddess divine and any man would be lucky to be with you! (truth) And fat be damned, they will love you as you are, or just have to wish they had been smart enough to get you now instead of waiting for you to get back into that rocking bikini body.
6. Bikini! OMG! I must diet!-
Because seriously, summer. Water. Men. Me. I MUST LOOK AS AMAZING AS I AM!!!!
7. So, off to the gym you go-
and you realize you know, jack crap of nothing about using any of these odd devices that look like ancient machines of torture. So you walk, in circles, for a month, and then never come back.
8. And the guilt shows up-
because you if you gave up on yourself, then WHY would anyone every date you again?
9. Again? Oh holy TARDIS of Galifrey-
WHY am I so concerned with men? What have they ever done for me? Broke my heart. That's what. Screw men.
10. So you drink-
and realize you still want to get laid on a pretty regular basis. So, for that you definitely need a guy.
11. Stupid men.-
12. Well, if I'm going to do it-
Then I might as well do it right and start looking for the right guy. Only how will I know when I find him. I mean, I thought I already had found him and now I can't tell if the guy giving me the eye is flirting or staring at some mysterious object that may or may not be stuck in my hair
13. MY HAIR!!!-
I must change my hair. And suddenly, there I am. All fresh and new again. New confidence, new motivation. I LOVE ME!!!
14. I LOVE ME!!!-
And if I love me, then everybody else can love me. And if everybody else can love me....
15. Then THAT GUY can too!!
so you find yourself writing this new guys name over and over and over again. AND why does it always start like that? Why do you always turn into a ridiculous high-school girl with her first crush?
16. Crushed.-
because what if he doesn't like me back?
17. Who cares?
Thursday, August 29, 2013
I am a woman, and if you are a man, you should know this...
I don't need you to fix me. I don't want you to try, I don't need an answer to every question, sometimes it is good for me to cry. I do need you to hold me, I need to know you care. I need to know that when I turn to you, you will be there. I don't need you to clean up all of my messes, but it would be nice if you noticed when I fall to pieces. There is more to me than weakness, and more to me than strength, I need to know you hear me, I need to know my words make you think. I need you to not fear me, and to tell me what you need. I want you to be near me, and miss me when you're not. I want to know you think I'm beautiful, so it doesn't hurt when you think she's hot. I need you to make me laugh, especially when I'm mad, and it's okay to love me while I'm good, but don't keep me from occasionally being bad. Don't stop me from walking away, and don't try to force me to speak, I don't want to regret my words because I did not have to think. I need you to not yell at me, and not to call me names. I want you not to label me, and for you, I will try to do the same. When you teach me something new and it turns out that I enjoy it, don't take it away from me then, don't make me feel bad for wanting to join in. Don't ask about my past, it is mine to share when I am ready, and if we're being honest, know that I am selfish and petty. I don't care about your old girlfriends unless they are affecting my life, it is imperative you don't lead me on, don't let me think I could be your wife and then change your mind about what you want. Don't not kiss me when your angry, it makes me feel rejected, and realize that when you stop holding my hand, our relationship is affected. It is more important than ever, that you hug me when you don't want too, I need to know that when you don't like me, you can love me too. If you don't like what I'm wearing, and I ask you what you think, tell the truth and then remind me that I'm gorgeous anyway. Remember that I'm fragile, in your hands more than others, and it doesn't matter how long we have been friends or lovers, I am a woman, and you are a man, and it's important that at least some of these things, you try to understand.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
A few tips for those with or soon to be getting Insurance
Ok, so let me be the first to understand that insurance is complicated. It has it's own set of words and definitions and it isn't always easy to understand. So what should you do when you are getting insurance? Well-Ask.
1.) Know your benefits. If you are going to the dr for any reason, call your insurance company and get your benefits quoted to you. Yes, your dr will also check, but you need to be informed. The best way to not get a nasty surprise, is to know what to expect.
2.) Understand that your insurance company has it's limits. There is to date, no standard pricing lists for medical services, your insurance company cannot tell you exactly what you will be paying when you go in for medical services
3.) Know the right way to ask your questions, so you get the answers you need. Call, go on your insurance website, whatever, but find out which dr is contracted with your insurance company before you see a dr. Find out how your insurance company deals with emergency treatments where you don't have a choice in who you see.
4.) Remember that each insurance company is bound by the laws of the state. If it is state law that a dr can bill you upfront for services, then they can. Your insurance company cannot do anything about it. So do your research and know the laws for your state.
5.) Set aside the time to contact your insurance company. If you have 15 minutes or less, it's not a good time to call. Plan ahead, be prepared to hold at some point in the call, understand that your plan is not the only plan that your insurance company handles and don't be nasty about it when your customer service rep needs to look deeper into your plan to answer your questions. It is better to be patient and get the answers you need than to get the wrong information or no information at all because you couldn't be bothered to plan ahead and call at a time when you could be patient
6.) Have your information when you call and enter it in the phone when it asks for it. Don't call in and say "Hi, this is sara, I have a general question..." There is no such thing as a general question when it comes to your insurance. All plans are specific. By entering your information when the horribly annoying automated system asks for it, you are 90% more likely to get to the right place the first time. The rep you are talking to will be able to pull up your info much faster and you will have a much better experience
7.) Know the terminology:
-Deductible: the amount of money that you are responsible to pay before your insurance will kick in on medical services not covered by preventative care laws or copays
-Copay: The set amount of money you pay up front for office visits, urgent care and emergency room. This does not count toward your deductible in most cases and only covers services that are part of the regular office visit, so paying a copay does not mean you will not anything else
-Coinsurance: This is amount of money you pay along with your insurance company. After your deductible is met, your insurance company will pay a certain percentage of your medical bills, say 80%. The remaining 20% is your responsibility and is called your coinsurance
-Out of Pocket Expense: This is the amount you will pay out of pocket after your deductible is met. It includes your coinsurance and in some cases your office copays
-Allowed Amount- This is the amount that your insurance company will pay for a service. If your dr is contracted with your insurance company(aka In Network) then they have to accept this amount and cannot bill you for any charges over that amount. IF however your dr is NOT contracted with your insurance company (aka Out of Network) then they can bill you for any charges over the allowed amount and your insurance company cannot do anything about it.
-In Network- contracted with your insurance company
-Out of Network- not contracted with your insurance company
There a lot of other terms, but those are the main ones that everyone should know. Basically what I am saying, is ask your questions ahead of time, and ask your insurance company, not your best friend or your agent or your doctor. The best way to be prepared is to be informed.
1.) Know your benefits. If you are going to the dr for any reason, call your insurance company and get your benefits quoted to you. Yes, your dr will also check, but you need to be informed. The best way to not get a nasty surprise, is to know what to expect.
2.) Understand that your insurance company has it's limits. There is to date, no standard pricing lists for medical services, your insurance company cannot tell you exactly what you will be paying when you go in for medical services
3.) Know the right way to ask your questions, so you get the answers you need. Call, go on your insurance website, whatever, but find out which dr is contracted with your insurance company before you see a dr. Find out how your insurance company deals with emergency treatments where you don't have a choice in who you see.
4.) Remember that each insurance company is bound by the laws of the state. If it is state law that a dr can bill you upfront for services, then they can. Your insurance company cannot do anything about it. So do your research and know the laws for your state.
5.) Set aside the time to contact your insurance company. If you have 15 minutes or less, it's not a good time to call. Plan ahead, be prepared to hold at some point in the call, understand that your plan is not the only plan that your insurance company handles and don't be nasty about it when your customer service rep needs to look deeper into your plan to answer your questions. It is better to be patient and get the answers you need than to get the wrong information or no information at all because you couldn't be bothered to plan ahead and call at a time when you could be patient
6.) Have your information when you call and enter it in the phone when it asks for it. Don't call in and say "Hi, this is sara, I have a general question..." There is no such thing as a general question when it comes to your insurance. All plans are specific. By entering your information when the horribly annoying automated system asks for it, you are 90% more likely to get to the right place the first time. The rep you are talking to will be able to pull up your info much faster and you will have a much better experience
7.) Know the terminology:
-Deductible: the amount of money that you are responsible to pay before your insurance will kick in on medical services not covered by preventative care laws or copays
-Copay: The set amount of money you pay up front for office visits, urgent care and emergency room. This does not count toward your deductible in most cases and only covers services that are part of the regular office visit, so paying a copay does not mean you will not anything else
-Coinsurance: This is amount of money you pay along with your insurance company. After your deductible is met, your insurance company will pay a certain percentage of your medical bills, say 80%. The remaining 20% is your responsibility and is called your coinsurance
-Out of Pocket Expense: This is the amount you will pay out of pocket after your deductible is met. It includes your coinsurance and in some cases your office copays
-Allowed Amount- This is the amount that your insurance company will pay for a service. If your dr is contracted with your insurance company(aka In Network) then they have to accept this amount and cannot bill you for any charges over that amount. IF however your dr is NOT contracted with your insurance company (aka Out of Network) then they can bill you for any charges over the allowed amount and your insurance company cannot do anything about it.
-In Network- contracted with your insurance company
-Out of Network- not contracted with your insurance company
There a lot of other terms, but those are the main ones that everyone should know. Basically what I am saying, is ask your questions ahead of time, and ask your insurance company, not your best friend or your agent or your doctor. The best way to be prepared is to be informed.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Character Obsessed
IDEA THIEF ALERT!
This blog idea was done first (at least first today) by SIL, check out her Blog of leading men and, please, comment with your own lists!
So, it has recently come to my attention that I am in face, not nearly alone in falling love with fictional men. I'm pretty sure I fall for a guy in every book/series I read, so my list is rather extensive. These guys are my tops:
1. The men of Harry Potter: Fred and George Weasley, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin and Bill Weasley.
I am putting them all in one section because they all come from the same world, even though they are very different.
Severus Snape- His passion and dedication for the woman he loves is beyond any other, and he played the most dangerous role of all to perfection. I just want to love him and make him smile again.
Remus Lupin- How can anyone not love Lupin? His gentle nature is so at odds with his condition, yet he carries himself with dignity, and never stops thinking of others. Always willing to go the extra mile, so incredibly smart and open. He is comfortable and safe, and strong.
Fred and George- Such serious clowns, these two. Their carefree demeanor is undermined by their achievements and ambition. I love that they are always laughing, no matter what life throws at them. Eternal optimists, amazing big brothers, hard working, charismatic, undeniable.
Bill Weasley- Hey Mrs. Weasley raised some amazing sons. Bill overcame his injuries and his familial objections to be with woman he loved. He loves adventure and a challenge and I love that in a man.
-------
2. Colonel Christopher Brandon, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
Oh, Brandon, so reserved. So overlooked, but always there, always loyal, and generous. He is the man you were secretly rooting for the whole time when you read this book or watched this film/miniseries. The quintessential gentleman, soft spoken, well bred, yet tragically lonely. He won't settle for just any woman to sate his loneliness, he wants the right woman, and he doesn't rely on his status to get her for him. He is almost painfully unsure around Marianne, and his nervousness and patience really show his true nature. He is a deep well of hidden passions, a brave soul, with a thirst for the world and to fulfill his purpose. He is the perfect man.
3. Tony Stark-Ironman/TheAvengers-Marvel Comics
I love me some Tony stark. Billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Witty, genius, suave, off the cuff. He is every dads nightmare. He is the guy you would never, ever, think of to save the world. He is selfish and egotistical, and always right (how annoying) but at the same time he really draws you in. He took the time to change the way he thought, to see the mistakes he made, and he put in the work to correct those mistakes. A man who not only knows when he is wrong, but ADMITS it AND works to put it right! How rare and exciting. He is the antihero, and he is sexy.
4. Finnick Odair-The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.
Finnick is the perfect mix of Tony Stark and Colonel Brandon. He is sexy, charismatic and fun, but he is guarded and shy and deep. He overcomes everything to save his true love, to be with her, even if it was only for a few short weeks. The man is smart enough to know where the true value in his world is, how to stay safe, he is prepared to make painful sacrifices, and to help in any way he can. He seems vapid and shallow, but when you dig into him, you find out that he is the opposite and he is worth protecting.
5. Jasper Hale- Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyers
Ok, ok, yes, Twilight is terrible. Jasper Hale however, is anything but terrible. He fought the life he was given, both times, to do what he felt was truly right. Finding the inner strength to overcome his circumstances, to relearn how to survive. He is adaptable, protective, loving, formidable, safe, and a true southern gentleman.
The rest of my top ten are:
Faramir-The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
LeStat De Lioncourt-The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice
Macon Ravenwood-Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia
Daryl Dixon-The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman
Jon Snow-Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
special mention to my almost top ten
Alex Karev-Greys Anatomy by Shondra Rhimes
Prince Caspian- The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
and honestly, I could keep listing, but you would probably just get bored.
This blog idea was done first (at least first today) by SIL, check out her Blog of leading men and, please, comment with your own lists!
So, it has recently come to my attention that I am in face, not nearly alone in falling love with fictional men. I'm pretty sure I fall for a guy in every book/series I read, so my list is rather extensive. These guys are my tops:
1. The men of Harry Potter: Fred and George Weasley, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin and Bill Weasley.
I am putting them all in one section because they all come from the same world, even though they are very different.
Severus Snape- His passion and dedication for the woman he loves is beyond any other, and he played the most dangerous role of all to perfection. I just want to love him and make him smile again.
Remus Lupin- How can anyone not love Lupin? His gentle nature is so at odds with his condition, yet he carries himself with dignity, and never stops thinking of others. Always willing to go the extra mile, so incredibly smart and open. He is comfortable and safe, and strong.
Fred and George- Such serious clowns, these two. Their carefree demeanor is undermined by their achievements and ambition. I love that they are always laughing, no matter what life throws at them. Eternal optimists, amazing big brothers, hard working, charismatic, undeniable.
Bill Weasley- Hey Mrs. Weasley raised some amazing sons. Bill overcame his injuries and his familial objections to be with woman he loved. He loves adventure and a challenge and I love that in a man.
-------
2. Colonel Christopher Brandon, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
Oh, Brandon, so reserved. So overlooked, but always there, always loyal, and generous. He is the man you were secretly rooting for the whole time when you read this book or watched this film/miniseries. The quintessential gentleman, soft spoken, well bred, yet tragically lonely. He won't settle for just any woman to sate his loneliness, he wants the right woman, and he doesn't rely on his status to get her for him. He is almost painfully unsure around Marianne, and his nervousness and patience really show his true nature. He is a deep well of hidden passions, a brave soul, with a thirst for the world and to fulfill his purpose. He is the perfect man.
3. Tony Stark-Ironman/TheAvengers-Marvel Comics
I love me some Tony stark. Billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Witty, genius, suave, off the cuff. He is every dads nightmare. He is the guy you would never, ever, think of to save the world. He is selfish and egotistical, and always right (how annoying) but at the same time he really draws you in. He took the time to change the way he thought, to see the mistakes he made, and he put in the work to correct those mistakes. A man who not only knows when he is wrong, but ADMITS it AND works to put it right! How rare and exciting. He is the antihero, and he is sexy.
4. Finnick Odair-The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.
Finnick is the perfect mix of Tony Stark and Colonel Brandon. He is sexy, charismatic and fun, but he is guarded and shy and deep. He overcomes everything to save his true love, to be with her, even if it was only for a few short weeks. The man is smart enough to know where the true value in his world is, how to stay safe, he is prepared to make painful sacrifices, and to help in any way he can. He seems vapid and shallow, but when you dig into him, you find out that he is the opposite and he is worth protecting.
5. Jasper Hale- Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyers
Ok, ok, yes, Twilight is terrible. Jasper Hale however, is anything but terrible. He fought the life he was given, both times, to do what he felt was truly right. Finding the inner strength to overcome his circumstances, to relearn how to survive. He is adaptable, protective, loving, formidable, safe, and a true southern gentleman.
The rest of my top ten are:
Faramir-The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
LeStat De Lioncourt-The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice
Macon Ravenwood-Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia
Daryl Dixon-The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman
Jon Snow-Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
special mention to my almost top ten
Alex Karev-Greys Anatomy by Shondra Rhimes
Prince Caspian- The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
and honestly, I could keep listing, but you would probably just get bored.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
She told him with a little gesture he had never seen her use before. - John Updike
3 Minutes
She told him with a little gesture he had never seen her use before. He remembered how odd it had been, her laying her finger on her eye like that. The rest of those minutes were really very blurry, she collapsed, there was some twitching and a lot of blood. Someone screamed, her or him, maybe both of them. Her blue eyes just sort of winked out, he knew she couldn't see him anymore, couldn't hear him anymore, wouldn't speak to him anymore. He knew it. He just didn't know why.
The floor was sticky and slick, he fell, bouncing his head on the tiles. He had to get to her, that was all he knew. He called her name. She didn't answer. He knew she wouldn't. He smelled metal, but he couldn't figure out why. He slowly raised himself up on his arms pushing his way over the floor, feeling the liquid squish beneath him, hearing it squelching with every move. Nothing felt real. He knew what was going on, but he couldn't accept it. He refused to accept it, his mind was wrong, his eyes were wrong, his fingers were wrong, his nose was wrong. Everything was wrong. Everything.
Tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, the salt in them was sticking to his skin, they were warm and cold at the same time. They hurt.
His fingers kept slipping, the floor was so wet, and thick....Why was it so thick? It was the wrong color too, it should have been white, not black. And it was moving, in waves, little waves, like at the beach, each one slower and smaller than one before it. The smell of salt and iron was so strong, he couldn't breathe. He was gagging, stomach convulsing, throat raw and contracting, tongue swollen and dry.
His back arched, and chest heaved, he expelled the roiling bile from his gut into the gooey, thick, floor. It mixed in, changing the color from black to a brownish red, and it stank. Rotted and metallic and salty. He gagged again, falling into the mess, his arms shaking uncontrollably, legs refusing to function, he just lay in it. Face down. He wanted to die. He couldn't die. He had to get there. Get to her.
He raised his face from the muck, gasping harshly, blinking bile and blood from his eyes. Tears streaming, blinding and cleansing. Inching jerkily through the mask of gunk stuck to his face. There was a strange sound now. A rushing, whooshing, mewling screech. Ragged, and painful, the sound filled the air, and his lungs emptied. He couldn't breathe, but the sound did not stop. Where was it coming from? Was it from him? Yes. It was. He was making that noise, and he couldn't stop.
The scream was broken by hiccups as his body fought for air, and he slowly pulled himself closer to her. His fingers brushed her leg, it was cold. Not corpse cold, but too cold. Too still. She didn't even twitch when he touched her. A bad sign. He grasped her thigh, he could see his hand now, it was red. Why was it red? He looked down, right, blood, blood is red. His hand is red. Blood red. Caught red handed. He began to laugh.
The snot flowing from his nostrils began to pool in his open mouth, he spat, quickly, gagging as he did so. Why was he laughing?
He began to inch his way up her body, to her face. So beautiful. So far away, her plaid shirt was stretched and swollen. No, not her shirt, her belly. He walked his fingers shakily over her body to her face, stopping at her mouth, it was open slightly, but there was no air coming out. The sound began again. He chocked it off. Forcing his arms to support him, his legs to move, he came up to a crawling position.
His face was over hers now. The horrible smelling mix he had slid through dripping onto her eyes, into her hair. He kissed her. Slowly, he lowered himself down, laying his head on her ample chest. He rested his hand on her belly.
"They're both gone." he whispered, and the sound came from deep within again. There was no stopping it now. There was no reason to stop it. Let it go, and he would go with it.
Motivated and Inspired :)
Moving on.
I have been participating in NaNoWriMo (aka National Novel Writing Month) for the past three years. The first year I didn't get past the outline (because I suck at outlines), the second year, a whopping 1000 words, and this past year a little over 3000 words. So yeah, I haven't actually completed the 50,000 word novel challenge yet. Partially because I never know where my novel is actually going, but mostly because NaNoWriMo happens in November. I am always busy in November. Always.
So, imagine my great and wondrous joy when I discovered that NaNo, does a "writers camp" twice a year! Woot! Here I come!
The first one is in April. My word goal is 35,000. I will writing a YA novel, no idea what it will be about yet, but expect updates as I figure it out (and contests for stuff).
But, to do this, I am going to have to write every day. So to get in the habit, I will be writing a short story every day. The first thirteen will be done with First Line Fiction prompts. These stories will appear here, on KeledaeSpeaks. For your enjoyment, consideration, critic(please), and praise. Seriously, comment on them and tell me what you think. I really do wanna know.
The first of these will appear tonight! Yay!
But since my writing time is from 10-12 every night, not for another couple of hours.
Looking forward to your feedback!
Hooray!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)