1. You really thought you were so grown up-
until you saw the first attractive guy you've been truly allowed to notice in years. Suddenly, you're a giddy pre-teen idiot and you have to talk yourself out of following him around the grocery store. And it only gets worse
2. You can't remember all the things you've forgotten about men-
Especially when they start smiling at you, and you realize that you don't know what that smile means. And suddenly all of your newly renewed guy friendships are super suspicious. Crap. Are you being flirted with?
3.Speaking of flirting-
You're pretty sure you have no idea to do it. That well-placed giggle, it probably looked more like a spasm. What exactly is supposed to be funny. Cat-eyes? Is that still an attractive thing? What are men looking for these days?
4. And, what are they looking at?-
As you take inventory of every pound you gained in your relationship and where it landed on your body, every article of clothing becomes your enemy. You agonize over everything and end up in sweats because you can't stand to be looked at. So why are they still looking at you?
5. Because your GORGEOUS!!!-
Damn right. You are a sexy, luscious, goddess divine and any man would be lucky to be with you! (truth) And fat be damned, they will love you as you are, or just have to wish they had been smart enough to get you now instead of waiting for you to get back into that rocking bikini body.
6. Bikini! OMG! I must diet!-
Because seriously, summer. Water. Men. Me. I MUST LOOK AS AMAZING AS I AM!!!!
7. So, off to the gym you go-
and you realize you know, jack crap of nothing about using any of these odd devices that look like ancient machines of torture. So you walk, in circles, for a month, and then never come back.
8. And the guilt shows up-
because you if you gave up on yourself, then WHY would anyone every date you again?
9. Again? Oh holy TARDIS of Galifrey-
WHY am I so concerned with men? What have they ever done for me? Broke my heart. That's what. Screw men.
10. So you drink-
and realize you still want to get laid on a pretty regular basis. So, for that you definitely need a guy.
11. Stupid men.-
12. Well, if I'm going to do it-
Then I might as well do it right and start looking for the right guy. Only how will I know when I find him. I mean, I thought I already had found him and now I can't tell if the guy giving me the eye is flirting or staring at some mysterious object that may or may not be stuck in my hair
13. MY HAIR!!!-
I must change my hair. And suddenly, there I am. All fresh and new again. New confidence, new motivation. I LOVE ME!!!
14. I LOVE ME!!!-
And if I love me, then everybody else can love me. And if everybody else can love me....
15. Then THAT GUY can too!!
so you find yourself writing this new guys name over and over and over again. AND why does it always start like that? Why do you always turn into a ridiculous high-school girl with her first crush?
16. Crushed.-
because what if he doesn't like me back?
17. Who cares?
