Saturday, May 17, 2014
A question or two
If he is going to be breaking your heart for the rest of the life, don't you think you should have stayed? At least then you would still be able to screw him too.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
An Honest list of Qualities I look for in a man
Every woman has her list of things she wants in a guy, whether she admits it or not, and usually those lists are full of odd Disney references, fantasy ideals and traits that would actually make the man one that they literally could never coexist with. So, after a rather emotional day that has concluded with me reminding myself of all the things that didn't work with my ex, I thought "Hey, let's make a list of thing I look for in a guy" then as I read the list, I was like, "wait. this guy already exists, and he's my ex for a reason, so maybe I should be a bit more honest with myself". The following is the list I came up with.
1.) You must be willing to clean, like deep clean, it would be best if you enjoyed doing it. Because I suck at cleaning and I kind of hate doing it. Another alternative would be that you are open to hiring a maid.
2.) I like gaming, and hanging out with guys. So let me be part of your circle and don't renege on it. I don't expect to be invited to everything, but really, not many girls in my area actually like doing the things that I like and I like to game: MTG, DND, Video and Board varieties.
3.) Be secure enough to understand that most of my friends are guys, accept that about me, get to know my friends and don't judge the relationships I have. I have them for a reason and they are extremely important to me, so take the fact that I choose to be with you and not with them as confirmation that you are who I want.
4.) Be a reader. Seriously, and while I would prefer some overlap in Authors/Genres it's not really required.
5.) Probably one the most important things on my list is come prepared to deal with my recent past, which include my incredible daughter and her dad. I am never going to put her second to anyone, and her dad and I may not have worked out, but he is an incredible dad to her and he is around and part of my life and will be a part of most major decisions while my daughter is growing up.
6.) Laugh a lot.
7.) Be willing to reassure me with physical contact, even when you're angry or we're fighting. It's bad enough to be fighting, if you refuse to touch me, I promise you, I will think you don't want me anymore and I will stop trusting you.
8.) Have a job, a car, and a place to live.
9.) Take me to midnight movies
10.) Be adventurous, I want to travel and do things other people might call (and have called) crazy, be willing to do them with me.
This list is not in any real order of importance because none of them are more important than any of the other of them, except for 5. That one is pretty damned important. Anyway, just my thoughts. Carry on.
1.) You must be willing to clean, like deep clean, it would be best if you enjoyed doing it. Because I suck at cleaning and I kind of hate doing it. Another alternative would be that you are open to hiring a maid.
2.) I like gaming, and hanging out with guys. So let me be part of your circle and don't renege on it. I don't expect to be invited to everything, but really, not many girls in my area actually like doing the things that I like and I like to game: MTG, DND, Video and Board varieties.
3.) Be secure enough to understand that most of my friends are guys, accept that about me, get to know my friends and don't judge the relationships I have. I have them for a reason and they are extremely important to me, so take the fact that I choose to be with you and not with them as confirmation that you are who I want.
4.) Be a reader. Seriously, and while I would prefer some overlap in Authors/Genres it's not really required.
5.) Probably one the most important things on my list is come prepared to deal with my recent past, which include my incredible daughter and her dad. I am never going to put her second to anyone, and her dad and I may not have worked out, but he is an incredible dad to her and he is around and part of my life and will be a part of most major decisions while my daughter is growing up.
6.) Laugh a lot.
7.) Be willing to reassure me with physical contact, even when you're angry or we're fighting. It's bad enough to be fighting, if you refuse to touch me, I promise you, I will think you don't want me anymore and I will stop trusting you.
8.) Have a job, a car, and a place to live.
9.) Take me to midnight movies
10.) Be adventurous, I want to travel and do things other people might call (and have called) crazy, be willing to do them with me.
This list is not in any real order of importance because none of them are more important than any of the other of them, except for 5. That one is pretty damned important. Anyway, just my thoughts. Carry on.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
My truth about Valentines Day and why I really hate it
Growing up in my house was such an amazing thing. As an adult with a daughter from a failed love, I realize how much effort my parents put into each other. How much they chose every day to love each other through everything, through the fighting and the hardships and the children and the history. My mother brought all the love in the world to our house, but this post is going to focus on my father.
My dad set the bar high for Valentines Day. Not because he always bough fancy/expensive/extravagant gifts (although he did that a couple of times) because he usually didn't. It was because he paid attention to the people he loved and made an effort to fill a need for them. Even a frivolous one, like my Junior year of high school, when I had exactly four real friends, and no guy had looked at me twice in weeks (at least not that I knew about) and I was surrounded by people who were definitely about to get stuff. My dad sent me flowers and balloons to school that year. It is the only time in my life that I have received flowers that way, and it was pretty special. I knew they were from my dad even if the card did read " Your Secret Admirer". I wasn't fooled, but I got to pretend I didn't know, I got to show them to my friends and laugh with them and let them tell me who they just knew had sent them. My dad gave me more than flowers that day, he gave me the ability to not feel left out. At a time in my life when I desperately needed it. And that is the only Valentines Day I really have fond memories of.
Since then I have either been single or alone on Valentines Day. The few years I have not been single, he was working, so we had to celebrate some other time, which shouldn't matter. But, it does. And those memories are tainted now, and the failure is too new to let them be anything but bitter. But even when they get to be something good again, they still fell short. Because no person has ever paid enough attention to me to give me the things I truly crave this time of year. And each year the things I want change, but the reason I hate this holiday, is not because it is a "fake" day for people to pretend to be in love, or some other drivel. It is because this day has always completely disappointed me ever since I left my childhood behind. I do not feel loved on this day, I do not feel wanted, no card or dinner or gift has ever filled that void in me.
It's not like I don't love myself, I do. But I am honest enough with myself and in turn you, to acknowledge that on this day, of all days, like every one else, I long to be truly loved by someone else and even when I was in love, I never really felt that completeness.
My dad set the bar high for Valentines Day. Not because he always bough fancy/expensive/extravagant gifts (although he did that a couple of times) because he usually didn't. It was because he paid attention to the people he loved and made an effort to fill a need for them. Even a frivolous one, like my Junior year of high school, when I had exactly four real friends, and no guy had looked at me twice in weeks (at least not that I knew about) and I was surrounded by people who were definitely about to get stuff. My dad sent me flowers and balloons to school that year. It is the only time in my life that I have received flowers that way, and it was pretty special. I knew they were from my dad even if the card did read " Your Secret Admirer". I wasn't fooled, but I got to pretend I didn't know, I got to show them to my friends and laugh with them and let them tell me who they just knew had sent them. My dad gave me more than flowers that day, he gave me the ability to not feel left out. At a time in my life when I desperately needed it. And that is the only Valentines Day I really have fond memories of.
Since then I have either been single or alone on Valentines Day. The few years I have not been single, he was working, so we had to celebrate some other time, which shouldn't matter. But, it does. And those memories are tainted now, and the failure is too new to let them be anything but bitter. But even when they get to be something good again, they still fell short. Because no person has ever paid enough attention to me to give me the things I truly crave this time of year. And each year the things I want change, but the reason I hate this holiday, is not because it is a "fake" day for people to pretend to be in love, or some other drivel. It is because this day has always completely disappointed me ever since I left my childhood behind. I do not feel loved on this day, I do not feel wanted, no card or dinner or gift has ever filled that void in me.
It's not like I don't love myself, I do. But I am honest enough with myself and in turn you, to acknowledge that on this day, of all days, like every one else, I long to be truly loved by someone else and even when I was in love, I never really felt that completeness.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Round 17....
Oh the horrors of Post Apocalyptic Serious Breakup dating....
1. You really thought you were so grown up-
until you saw the first attractive guy you've been truly allowed to notice in years. Suddenly, you're a giddy pre-teen idiot and you have to talk yourself out of following him around the grocery store. And it only gets worse
2. You can't remember all the things you've forgotten about men-
Especially when they start smiling at you, and you realize that you don't know what that smile means. And suddenly all of your newly renewed guy friendships are super suspicious. Crap. Are you being flirted with?
3.Speaking of flirting-
You're pretty sure you have no idea to do it. That well-placed giggle, it probably looked more like a spasm. What exactly is supposed to be funny. Cat-eyes? Is that still an attractive thing? What are men looking for these days?
4. And, what are they looking at?-
As you take inventory of every pound you gained in your relationship and where it landed on your body, every article of clothing becomes your enemy. You agonize over everything and end up in sweats because you can't stand to be looked at. So why are they still looking at you?
5. Because your GORGEOUS!!!-
Damn right. You are a sexy, luscious, goddess divine and any man would be lucky to be with you! (truth) And fat be damned, they will love you as you are, or just have to wish they had been smart enough to get you now instead of waiting for you to get back into that rocking bikini body.
6. Bikini! OMG! I must diet!-
Because seriously, summer. Water. Men. Me. I MUST LOOK AS AMAZING AS I AM!!!!
7. So, off to the gym you go-
and you realize you know, jack crap of nothing about using any of these odd devices that look like ancient machines of torture. So you walk, in circles, for a month, and then never come back.
8. And the guilt shows up-
because you if you gave up on yourself, then WHY would anyone every date you again?
9. Again? Oh holy TARDIS of Galifrey-
WHY am I so concerned with men? What have they ever done for me? Broke my heart. That's what. Screw men.
10. So you drink-
and realize you still want to get laid on a pretty regular basis. So, for that you definitely need a guy.
11. Stupid men.-
12. Well, if I'm going to do it-
Then I might as well do it right and start looking for the right guy. Only how will I know when I find him. I mean, I thought I already had found him and now I can't tell if the guy giving me the eye is flirting or staring at some mysterious object that may or may not be stuck in my hair
13. MY HAIR!!!-
I must change my hair. And suddenly, there I am. All fresh and new again. New confidence, new motivation. I LOVE ME!!!
14. I LOVE ME!!!-
And if I love me, then everybody else can love me. And if everybody else can love me....
15. Then THAT GUY can too!!
so you find yourself writing this new guys name over and over and over again. AND why does it always start like that? Why do you always turn into a ridiculous high-school girl with her first crush?
16. Crushed.-
because what if he doesn't like me back?
17. Who cares?
1. You really thought you were so grown up-
until you saw the first attractive guy you've been truly allowed to notice in years. Suddenly, you're a giddy pre-teen idiot and you have to talk yourself out of following him around the grocery store. And it only gets worse
2. You can't remember all the things you've forgotten about men-
Especially when they start smiling at you, and you realize that you don't know what that smile means. And suddenly all of your newly renewed guy friendships are super suspicious. Crap. Are you being flirted with?
3.Speaking of flirting-
You're pretty sure you have no idea to do it. That well-placed giggle, it probably looked more like a spasm. What exactly is supposed to be funny. Cat-eyes? Is that still an attractive thing? What are men looking for these days?
4. And, what are they looking at?-
As you take inventory of every pound you gained in your relationship and where it landed on your body, every article of clothing becomes your enemy. You agonize over everything and end up in sweats because you can't stand to be looked at. So why are they still looking at you?
5. Because your GORGEOUS!!!-
Damn right. You are a sexy, luscious, goddess divine and any man would be lucky to be with you! (truth) And fat be damned, they will love you as you are, or just have to wish they had been smart enough to get you now instead of waiting for you to get back into that rocking bikini body.
6. Bikini! OMG! I must diet!-
Because seriously, summer. Water. Men. Me. I MUST LOOK AS AMAZING AS I AM!!!!
7. So, off to the gym you go-
and you realize you know, jack crap of nothing about using any of these odd devices that look like ancient machines of torture. So you walk, in circles, for a month, and then never come back.
8. And the guilt shows up-
because you if you gave up on yourself, then WHY would anyone every date you again?
9. Again? Oh holy TARDIS of Galifrey-
WHY am I so concerned with men? What have they ever done for me? Broke my heart. That's what. Screw men.
10. So you drink-
and realize you still want to get laid on a pretty regular basis. So, for that you definitely need a guy.
11. Stupid men.-
12. Well, if I'm going to do it-
Then I might as well do it right and start looking for the right guy. Only how will I know when I find him. I mean, I thought I already had found him and now I can't tell if the guy giving me the eye is flirting or staring at some mysterious object that may or may not be stuck in my hair
13. MY HAIR!!!-
I must change my hair. And suddenly, there I am. All fresh and new again. New confidence, new motivation. I LOVE ME!!!
14. I LOVE ME!!!-
And if I love me, then everybody else can love me. And if everybody else can love me....
15. Then THAT GUY can too!!
so you find yourself writing this new guys name over and over and over again. AND why does it always start like that? Why do you always turn into a ridiculous high-school girl with her first crush?
16. Crushed.-
because what if he doesn't like me back?
17. Who cares?
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